Todd was really bad at math. Suddenly, Batman burst from the grave, and hit Godzilla with a bat grenade! Todd didn't see the massive earthquake coming. That is, until, he did. When Batman's fist collided with the epic lizard, the ground practically dissolved beneath Todd's large feet. I'm not gonna lie, this is kind of an epic lizard moment. Todd thought to himself as fire exploded from Batman's knuckles. Todd's best friend Aaron was all like, "zoinks!" Aaron stepped off to make a quick phone call to the President of the United States, Barack jr. "Hello, this is Barry J, how can I elf on a shelf you?" Aaron sobbed "YOU DONT UNDERSTAND, THE SHELVES HAVE ELVED AND BATMAN IS DYING." The voice on the other end continued, "I'm not in right now, but you can leave a message after the beep......... BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" Godzilla took a big bite of Batman's chest like an attack on titan titan bite. This was a certified attack on titan titan moment titan of a moment. Todd collapsed to his knees with a bloodcurdling scream. Aaron farted, and it wasn't that bad but if you were close enough to it you'd probably still step away from it. Godzilla proceeded to eat the Batman, right as the army showed up. Shortly after the Army arrived, the Leggy followed. Doom rolled in the electric atmosphere; clouds darkened so we could hardly see. This was kinda like Doom 2: Hell on Earth. Skyscrapers rose to scratch against the heavens, oceans collapsed only to flood in massive tidal waves. The apocolypse was now, like in the movie Apocalyspe Now. Todd's phone rang, the trumpet sound officially bringing in the end of the world. Todd wished he could just go back to playing Battletoads, which Aaron liked to call Battletodds, because his friend was named Todd, but now wasn't the time, because the world was ending, and that was bad. A helicopter hovered near Godzilla's head, "RELEASE THE BATMAN" a booming voice shouted over a megaphone, further pissing Godzilla off. Godzilla then noticed a second helicopter flying in from the horizon, carrying with it his worst nightmare... Freddy Fazbear. The magnified Freddy Fazbear leapt at Godzilla with an unholy SCREEEEEEEEEEEEECH as he clawed at the monster's eyes. Freddy was really goin' dummy on ol' Ziller's optics, but that big motherfuckin' lizard took shit from nobody. Even without his vision, Godzilla was able to fire off an electric blast that roasted Freddy right where he screeched... but he didn't quite die. Freddy delivered his famous catchphrase, "YEEBY DEEBY," and then was all like, "but also, ouch!" Aaron grabbed Todd's shoulders, "DUDE THIS IS LIKE THE BEST FUCKING MOVIE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF FUCKING MOVIES." to which Todd responded, crying, "this isnt a movie man this is fucking real life." Just then, Godzilla called (roared) for backup, and who pulled up in a Range Rover but Minilla? (Look up a photo of Minilla for maximum effect) He bust out of the car slammed the door, like an asshole, and ran up to Freddy Fazbear and punted him in the direction of what used to be the Atlantic Ocean. Freddy Fazbear flew Freddy Fastbear all the way there, and Minilla laughed like Elmer Fudd on tranquilizers. He cracked his knuckles and popped his neck; Minilla was really really fucking good at FNAF Ultimate Custom Night, so how hard could this be? As this story has so far lacked sex appeal, a balding man in his 50s with a serious beer gut walked into the street and shouted, "Lord have mercy, I just wanna GRILL without a CELL FONE!!!!" The slutty man wiped his hamburger greasy hand on his wifebeater, but Todd was too focused on the waterlogged Freddy gnawing on Godzilla's firey foot to notice. They were all too focused on the extremely sexy man to notice that Freddy was back already. The almighty Godzilla had a shitton of stamina, but even he felt tired when a reality-shattering portal opened inside his cancerous lungs. I don't know where this is going, you finish it. Alright; basically the Avengers fucking Avengers Endgame'd Godzilla from the inside out (they didnt like how the Justice League was handling things) I'm talking Captain America slicing off bits of alveoli with his shield and Iron Man using his blast things to cut open an exit and Thor and Hulk just hitting stuff lmao well they got out of Godzilla's chest cavity as he collapsed on the ground, exhaling a shaky breath. All of the Avengers stood there proudly, I'm talking Captain America, The Hulk, The Green Giant, Batman, Frank, Pikachu, Stinky Jim, The Sentient Gun, My Wife and another Captain America. Todd couldn't count exactly how many there were, but maybe they could go play Battletodd now.
Unfortunately, Miinilla was still s-stompin' around town! This was not the end, this was only the beginning of the end of the world. This just in, Mario has been seen performing Backwards Long Jumps in Bob-Omb Battlefield! BREAKING NEWS LOCAL PLUMBER MARIO 'ITS A ME' MARIO CONFIRMED TO BE THE FIRST OLYMPIC BACKWARDS LONG JUMP IN BOB-OMB BATTLEFIELD TO BE WANTED FOR ABUSING PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS (and also he smokes weed sometimes). However, Mario "Epikk Weed Smocker" Mario is suddenly faced with a new set off issues when he builds up enough speed off that sick BLJ to slip into an alternate dimension! "I'm too a-fuckking sober for this..." Mario muttered as he rolled a blunt. Mario was listening to Low Class Conspiracy by Quasimoto as he sucked down on that chronic, before he realized that what he was actually smoking was the back end of a tree frog! "Ah, shit," Mario said when the frog jumped away, his vision of DK's jungle blurring in a mess of shapes and colours from the tree frog toxins. "I'm finna have a bad trip." Just then, Mario tripped over his shoelaces, and it was bad. He was sure no drug for increasing his skill at BLJ could save him from the Bob-omb that now creeped alongside him, but SUDDENLY -- my intuition and my wisdom grow, and then I know (Yu Yu Hakusho theme reference), and then a weird-lookin dog took a leak on a tree 500 miles away! Mario then knew it was a sign that his quest to execute Pickle Rick was at hand... Mario got back onto his feet and got ready for the adventure at hand, when the frog trip started kicking in, and Mario started sweating bullets. Literally, the ants crawling up his sweaty leg were playing a bullet hell game; Mario fumbled through the thick bushes, bleeding from the thorns grasping at every exposed patch of skin. Those wacky Undertale ants weren't letting up though, and Mario was having a bad time. Miserable from the bites and cuts, Mario finally broke through the treeline, arriving at a bridge spanning an unfathomably large gorge leading to a castle of lava and death. The plumber shouted out, "gorge?? Like Gorge Orwell? This is LITERALLY 1984!" He began across the bridge, under the watchful eyes of big brother... When a MINECRAFT GHAST befell him! The Minecraft Ghast delivered its famous catchphrase, "aaaAAAAUUUGHH," and spat a crazy-go-nuts fireball at ol' Plumb-Bum! Mario downed a shroom and dodged the fireball, barely avoiding his luscious mustache being scorched off. The shroom, as he soon came to realize, was actually an innocent Toad, whose cap he was still gnawing on as it screamed out in pain. "Whatever it takes... to defeat Pickle Rick." The heartless murderer Mario 'toad eater' mario snarled. Mario Gear Solid 3: Toad Eater was a fantastic game, but that's irrelevant, as things started going south for Mario with much quickness. Mario finished eating Toad, and dashed down the bridge headed to the castle, flames licking at his heels. He then paused for a second. He remained paused for several more seconds. Assured that yes, his bloodlust for the destruction and obliteration of Pickle Rick, Mario attacked a Goomba that lay between him and the castle. Inside the castle was surely the vile PicRic, and mario was ready for the crisp, refreshing flavor of the holy union of cucumber and vinegar. He sprinted through the yawning maws of death, gates of spikes laden with poisons unmentionable, rushing and panting until at last he reached the throne room. "Sorry, Mario," said the small insect guy sitting upon the royal seat, "but Pickle Rick is in another castle!"
Pickle Rick, on the other side of an expanse of frothy stars and nebulas hacked out a coughing laugh as he watched through his crystal ball. Pickle Rick, now at an advanced age, gleefully ruled over the universe as does a child rule over their toy box. This was the being that Mario sought to destroy: Chaos Incarnate, he who brought the mighty Godzilla into existence and allowed him to be crippled and die; as Godzilla's heart stilled, the core of the very earth split in half. Pickle Rick brang into existence a most dreadful beast, born of chaotic laughter, which he commanded in a tongue unlike any a mere Earthling may have heard uttered. This creature appeared in front of Mario, along with a shitty neon coloured katana with which Mario was meant to fight the unholy entity. Mario wasn't about swords, as he was a man of his FISTS, which btw, were big as he'll. With the power of stacked plumber fists, MARIO LEAPT AT THE BEAST AND THREW HIS RIGHT FIST INTO ITS JAW. Unfortunately for our red-clad hero, he went crashing into the stone wall of the throne room, as the creature was not of normal flesh and bone. The phantasmal *thing* growled, its lip curling in fury as it spat volumes of green fiery goo that stuck to the perfect voluminous carpet... and splattered against Mario's mustache, burning it. "MAMA FUCKIN MIA THAT SHIT A-HURT!!!!!!!!" said mario, in intense pain. Quick, another shroom, a 1-up isn't enough! Mario was already regretting ignoring the neon blade, which he now witnessed melting under a hearty glob of that... stuff. Panic set in; his fists could do nothing, and his breathing became labored as he leapt to the window, seeking some sort of escape. Bursting through the brilliant stained glass, depicting the cucumber monarch, Mario ran for shelter in the depths of the Kongo Jungle.
Beneath the flaming arms of twilight, we watch as Mario raced, as he panted for breath desparately, side stitch aching, and the glowering creature roared as it bounded along Mario's heels. YOWZA, this did not look good for Dr, Mario Morbius, still lamenting the loss of a sizeable chunk of his facial foliage. Deep in the trees there were murmurs, whispers of movement that sped along; hell yeah its dinosaurs theres dinosaurs in this godforsaken land, like twenty of them. "Oh, Yoshi! He can give me a speed boost," said Mario, before an actual fuckin velociraptor burst from the trees and also began chasing him with intent to kill. It crashed into Mario, and they rolled off a cliff together claws and teeth gnashing at Mario's throat and overalls. "FUCK," shouted Mario. The mighty sound of Mario's voice echoed through the ravine, which startled the raptor enough that Mario got it in a chokehold and strangled it dead. Unfortunately, Mario was still falling, but in the distance, he spotted a cape feather floating down from above! That's when Yoshi ACTUALLY showed up to help, clambering out of the earth like some sort of unholy zombified monstrosity. Zomboshi JRUMPED up and SLUPED up the feather and spat it like a projectile towards Mario, who managed to just barely touch it, allowing him to don a cape which allowed him to float down to earth safely!
"Ayyy Mario," Said Zomboshi in yoshi-speak, causing an epic magical portal to open up beneath them both. Was this a reference to the 2007 first-person platforming puzzle game, Portal... or something much more sinister? Launched into another dimension, Zomboshi and Mario stood in front of Pickle Rick's office, where the cucumber creature was not to be seen. However, his characteristic cackle echoed through the room... menacingly. Mounted on the wall was no other than the head of Mario's brother... Luigi plumber green guy. Upon seeing this, Mario fell to his knees and let out a blood-crudling "MAMA MIA!" Pickle Rick stepped out from behind the door, laughing, WHEEZING, victoriously. Luigi's head also started laughing, yowza! Horrified by the mutilated corpse of Luigi, Mario flung the decomposing Zomboshi at Pickle Rick. Zomboshi fell apart, making the Dry Bones sound, and Rickle was all like, "AUGH!!!" Pickle Rick pick a ricked up a state of the art semi-automatic Desert Eagle pistol and yelled "I'VE JUST ABOUT HAD ENOUGH OF YOU... MARIO." On the other side of the multiverse, Ryu from Street Fighter went to stan twitter and lost 200,000 brain cells. There was some arguing happening on twitter about whether or not BTS should be cancelled for their bus running over some old terrorist guy. That old terrorist guy's name? LUIGI PLUMBER GREEN GUY. Knowing he was innocent for Lugigi's death, Pickle Rick spat a clot of pickled blood on the ground. Pickled blood is a delicacy in some weird and fucked up countries, so a strange little man ran in and caught it in a jar before it hit the floor before making a quick escape. Mario used that epic distraction as a chance to KAPOW punch pickle ricj in the pickle FACE! ricky the picky fell over bankways in epic slo-mo, singing jingle bells all the while. Mario kicked Pickle Rick when he hit the ground, sparking forth a malevolent flood of rage as Pickle Rick teleported away.
Phyllis was there, and she said "WOW!!!!!!!!" Phyllis was a BIG fan of wrestling, so she was happier than a pig at a dead people buffet. She was a big Stone Cold fan, WHAT, and she was ready to see some action, WHAT, and all types of body slams, and that's the bottom line, because Phyllis said so! "It's just like that one hell in a cell copy pasta!" she yelled when pickle rick judo flipped mario, which wasn't at all like that one wwe scene. pickle rick was suddenly enveloped in a semi ultimate beam of radioactive light emanating from within his briny core. almost entirely all powerful in his godhood, he bitch slapped mario horribly and epically.